


How To Not Fall in Love

by datkaa



Category: Ed Sheeran (Musician), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatting & Messaging, Drugs, F/M, Humor, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-01-03 00:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1063384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datkaa/pseuds/datkaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Scarlett is the girl who keeps a diary. And her head in the clouds.</p><p>Cara is the girl who doesn't care about boys and yet gets all their attention (also laid).</p><p>Liam is a rocker - well, not literally.</p><p>Niall is the best friend anyone could wish for.</p><p>Louis is that guy in class who likes to cause chaos.</p><p>Harry teaches Literature and gets hammered practically every night.</p><p>Zayn illustrates children's books, assists in getting drunk and sometimes brings weed.</p><p>Ed is always there to take care of his two best friends and possibly get an idea for a new song - that nobody will listen to anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_So how was the shift? What about Bill-The-Annoying-Customer? I'm hoping you didn't show him what you've learnt at the thai boxing classes because if you did, you probably no longer have a job haha._

_You asked about my progress with packing - there is none. The only thing that suggests that I'm moving out is the messy heap of clothes on the ground. They were originally on my bed - and in the way, that's why they're on the ground now. Mom keeps telling me I'm not gonna get my stuff packed in time, but there's still a couple of days of summer left, right? If you're gonna tell me your suitcases are packed and ready to go, I'll probably start stressing out._

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Don't even mention Bill-The-Annoying-Customer! Today he came for breakfast and I swear his mouth has never seen a tootbrush. Of course he tried to use those corny pick up lines on me and what's even worse, my boss wants me to be nicer to him or else I could really lose my job! Wouldn't that piss you off?!_

_Oh, of course not. You're a man. You're probably a Bill-The-Annoying-Customer to another poor waitress, aren't you? :P_

_Maybe it's about time to start stressing out because I'm all packed... don't know how about you, but I'm leaving next week. There's a lot of stuff to do before the school starts._

_FOR GOD'S SAKES ROCKER START PACKING. (Still seems funny to call you rocker, but don't ruin the game please. If I were to find out your real name is Eugene, you're 5 feet tall and collect Pokémon stickers, maybe I would stop replying. For the two months we've been talking I've formed an image of you in my head and at least in my head you're hot, haha.)_

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_Have you ever considered that I might be Bill? Because like you mentioned just now, you don't know my name and don't have even the slightest idea of what I look like. (But I can help - my name's not Bill.)_

_OKAY NOW I'M STRESSING OUT. Right after I send this message, I'm gonna start piling up the clothes._

_And what were you trying to imply with the 5 feet tall thing? Don't you know that short men are the biggest mischief in bed? That was a quotation of my history teacher, please don't start ignoring me, okay?_

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Nope I have never cosidered that, but thank you, now I'll be always looking over my shoulder checking if a 5 feet tall Eugene isn't stalking me._

****

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_Well, I'm afraid I will have to start ignoring you. This really hurt my feelings. Farewell._

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_I WAS ONLY KIDDING. DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY WE'RE STILL FRIENDS. AT LEAST I HOPE SO._

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_I died for a moment just then. I hate you, Eugene. (Looks like I'll be calling you that from now on. Hope you don't mind.)_

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_I'm afraid you wouldn't stop even if I begged. Good thing is I never have to beg and I'm not planning to change that now. ;-)_

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Aw yeah, I bet you have enough of everything you need, without asking for it. I can only imagine how girls come to you saying: "Hey Eugene, I know you're only 5 feet tall but how about doing the frick-frack during lunch break?"_

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_What can I say, ladies probably take the wisdom of my history teacher very seriously._

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_I suppose you're right. Pray tell, are you hiding some sort of toys in your secret drawer? ;-) (Don't forget to pack them, you don't want your mom to find them while you're partying at uni.)_

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_Excuse me, that's the first thing that will go into my suitcase. Actually, I don't need anything else - maybe a toothbrush, and that's it._

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Oh yes, Eugene, yes! YES! FASTER! FASTER, EUGENE, FASTER!_

_...pack that stuff faster, because the summer's over in 10 days._

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_I bet Bill would love to hear that too. :-P Should I be feeling special now?_

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_For sure, not every man is as short as you._

_I'm teasing you again. Sorry._

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_We've "known" each other for a while, I now realize that you'd put "sarcastic comments" under "personality traits" or "interests" in your resume, so I'm not mad._

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Although I'd love to continue this slightly dirty talk, I have to go and help my mom with dinner. Go pack, you little devil._

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_So this is what you do? Get a guy excited and then leave? Don't know how I'll get over this._

_Okay, go cook, scarface._


	2. Chapter 2

_New message from: Scarlett Ackles_

_Hey Niall, what's up? Wanna hang out? Got news! Xx_

 

_New message from: Niall Horan_

_No, not really! Watching the Hobbit w/ some pizza, but since it's you, you can join me!_

 

_New message from: Scarlett Ackles_

_Wouldn't I be the third wheel to you and your pizza? Are you two a thing?_

 

_New message from: Niall Horan_

_Dnt think so, yesterday I saw her exchanging body liquids w/ my bro... So I think your company will be welcomed haha!_

 

_New message from: Scarlett Ackles_

_Sorry to hear that. On my way, I'll make you feel better. Just don't wipe your nose on the cushions._

 

Instead of messaging back, Niall just rolled his eyes and tossed the phone on the table, where it landed only few inches from where it had been laying originally. As soon as he was in his sitting position again, leaning against the couch, his attention was back on the television on the opposite wall. The ring of the bell came soon - sooner than he expected, but after checking the time he realized that time goes quicker while watching a movie (especially a long one like _The Hobbit_ ). As he opened the door, Scarlett didn't even stop to say hi and made her way straight to the living room.

"You've got ketchup on your chin," she noted and continued: "I hope you left some pizza for me, you pig."

"Nice to see you too," replied Niall, wiping his chin with the back of his hand, which he then wiped on his sweatpants. They could use a wash, anyway.

Scarlett decided to leave it uncommented, and instead headed to sit on the couch, in the same spot where Niall was before. Her eyes glanced at the pizza box next to her and she reached to take one of the three remaining pieces.

"You said you had news," Niall said as he took another piece.

"Yes!" It seemed like Scarlett just remembered, she quickly finished her pizza and licked her fingers, so that she could place them on Niall's shoulder - which he said nothing about, just pulled a weird grimace for a moment and listened to Scarlett‘s happy chatter about that Rocker of hers. Over the past two months he learned that she was able to talk about him for hours and even though it got on his nerves sometimes, he would never admit it to her. They were best friends since kindergarten and she stuck by his side when in first grade the kids laughed at him for wearing braces, when they flushed his lunch down the toilet and even when Johnny Carter told him in front of the whole class that he would never find a girlfriend because of his lisp.

Braces, the lisp and Johnny Carter were long gone, but Scarlett was still there and he hoped it would stay that way. He just watched her breath out as she finished talking about her conversation with Rocker, then she took another breath and added: "Anyway, I am going to have a look at my dorm in a couple of days."

Niall almost choked on his pizza - he managed to grab himself the last piece - since he hadn't started with packing either, because Scarlett didn't forget to mention before that _Rocker hadn't even started with packing, imagine that._

"Why? The holiday isn't over yet."

"Yes, but I need to move in there, don't I? I want to see what it looks like."

"That's actually a good idea," Niall agreed with a frown on his face and a minute later he added that he would come with her and that she should help him pack. He quickly stuffed his face with what was left of his pizza, wiped his hands on his sweatpants - again, to which Scarlett reacted only with a roll of her eyes - and then he was running upstairs to his room with his best friend right behind.

"Isn't it awesome that we got accepted to the same university?" Niall commented as he was laid on his bed with hands behind his head, while Scarlett stood in front of his dresser, picking things she thought he could use.

"Yep, really great. I can already see myself cooking not only for me, but for you as well, and doing your laundry."

"Excuse you! Do you really think I can't do things myself?"

Scarlett just shot a look at his suitcase, inside of which she was slowly piling up his clothes and a grin appeared on Niall's face.

"Just don’t forget I don't like beef."

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_I am happy to inform you that I finished packing! Well, it took three days... and Slinky somehow got to my t-shirts which were piled on the floor so instead of five of them I have now three. I guess I had it coming when I let him into my room._

_How are things with you and Bill? Have you broken the ice already?_

 

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Eugen, you're alive? Which I can't say about your clothes, RIP. I hope those weren't your latex costumes... ;) (Why do I start with these dirty comments, not only in the second message but also at 5pm?!) Slinky probably did it of excitement anyway, because you let him into your sanctuary_ _-_ _if it's true that you don't let him inside the house, just know that dogs need love too! (I speak from experience, my Cass once peed on me when I was yelling at him.)_

_Oh, Bill, Bill proposed to me yesterday. We're engaged._

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_Don't you worry, I keep my latex outfits well hidden and protected from the claws of my dog. Do you have any idea how much those cost?!_

_Okay, I admit, this topic is inappropriate, it's not past 10 yet._

_That's amazing news! I hope I am invited to the wedding?_

 

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_No, I don't have any idea about that. I am a good child, after all, with good grades. It's you who corrupted me like this._

_We only want to invite the closest family and friends, so I am not sure... Sorry :(_

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_Wow, that was harsh. I feel weird pain in my chest._

 

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_That could be a heart attack. I've heard it can happen to short boys in late teen years._

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_Did you know you're really cruel sometimes? (That means in our relationship you'd be the boss, good to know.)_

 

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_I'm not being cruel, just honest. (What relationship? You know I am engaged.)_

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_You got that from a movie, admit it. (Our relationship. Don't lie to yourself. We both know what I mean.)_

 

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_I don't have it from a movie, the movie got it from me. (Have you been drinking?)_

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_We did a shot of tequila with my dad. He said he wishes me good luck and doesn't know what to do about not finding me eating food from the fridge at night from now on. His eyes were a little glassy when he said it._

 

**_from: scar_ face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_And only one shot did this to you. You're a sad excuse for a man. So you're leaving?_

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_Has it occurred to you that maybe there were more, but I don't want to look like an alcohol to you?_

 

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Yes, you definitely look like an alcohol now. After this message I am sure there were more._

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_I think this is the moment when I go to die of shame in a corner. Goodbye._

 

**_from: scar_face_ **

**_to: rocker587_ **

_Die of shame = sober up. Goodbye to you too. And don't cry too much when saying bye to mom ;)_

 

**_from: rocker587_ **

**_to: scar_face_ **

_The following message represents what I’m feeling right now:_ _fnshasqadasfdgqaejqwhjsk._

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment if you'd wish to read on! This was originally written in my mother tongue and it'd be awesome if you'd let me know whether or not I should bother translating it! Xx


End file.
